Meet Darla…

My name is Darla. I am a wife of a veteran and a mother of two children. Before I started a journey of healing, I felt like I was stuck in a cycle of mediocrity. My days were filled with self-hate and constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough. My relationships were driven by guilt and my own control. On the outside I appeared to have it all together, but deep down I knew I was a mess.

When my husband, Jim, joined the Army, I did not fully comprehend the fact that
our whole family was signing the contract with him. We were giving the Army the
right to tell us where to live, they had full control over how much money we made each month, what type of health insurance we were getting, and how much time we were allowed to spend together as a family. This gave me a sense of desperation and anything I could take control of and manage was what I lived for.

The day Jim left for Basic Training was the day I became a part- time, single mom. This produced an impossible need within me to be perfect, since I had to be both parents the majority of the time. I gave myself unattainable expectations. I told myself I was not a good enough mom, I should be doing more. I also filled my head with hateful words, which were often focused around disgust at my outward appearance. I constantly compared myself to other women, which always left me feeling like a failure. I hated everything about myself. I kept my feelings to myself – afraid to be a burden to my husband.

After three years of being in the military, Jim and I decided not to sign another contract. His deployment to Afghanistan was extremely hard and he knew he never wanted to leave his family again. I thought our lives would finally get back to “normal”, but the year that followed was grim and I watched my husband drift further and further away. Thankfully, he was introduced to Dr. Peter Holmes and decided to begin his journey. After their very first meeting, I saw life and excitement in my husband’s eyes… something that I hadn’t seen for years. I observed for a few months and then realized I needed this healing just as much as he did.

I have been on my own Rapha journey for two years and I feel like a completely different person. I can look at myself in the mirror and not hate what I see. The voices in my head are a lot more loving and I’m free from that terrible feeling that I am never going to be good enough. I can be around other women and feel I can just be ME – with no shame. My marriage is better than it has ever been. I have learned to embrace my emotions, knowing that following them brings healing and enrichment to my life. Even though I was never officially “in” the Army, the pain and struggles, and the need for healing was just as real. And now I have walked away from the damage that I brought into my marriage and from the damage of being the wife of a veteran into a future I could not have dared hope for.